Fetish: Voyeurism
Associated Fetishes: Peeping Toms, Dogging, Exhibitionism
Technical Term: Voyeurism
I thought since my last analysis talked about exhibitionism, that this time around I’d cover voyeurism. Everything I looked at pretty much agreed that voyeurism is the act of getting sexual arousal from watching other people. I have to agree with that too, but I think the usage of the word has changed over time, and this Dirty Girl thinks that’s something to think about.

Dirty Girl Analysis
I’ve seen voyeurism in a lot of different forms in my time. Back when I was a dancer (ok, stripper. And you pretty much guessed I had that on the resume, right?), I knew the guys that came in were there because they liked to see naked girls. No big surprise there. When I’m in the naughty store, I know that the guys in the raincoats scanning the DVD aisles trying not to make eye contact with anyone are there because they want to watch people fucking. And I also know when I see my geeky young next door neighbor smile sheepishly at me and say hi, then quickly move on, that I was probably a little too loud in bed the night before and he had himself a good wank listening to me.

So, yeah, all my examples are of males. Now don’t get me wrong, I love going to strip clubs with a guy I’m into, or maybe a girl’s night out, and I like looking at hot women too (I’m such a tit girl, it’s not even funny), and I know I’m not alone in that. But we’re definitely outnumbered by the guys. Males always have been, and always will be more visually attuned in their sexuality. We girls just aren’t that visually oriented. And I think that fact, something the guys can’t even help about themselves, has colored our perception of what we call voyeurism.

Just work with me on this: Guys like looking at women. They can’t help it. Too much of that makes women uncomfortable. And knowing that we’ve probably been added to some guy’s Mental Masturbation File isn’t appealing to some women. This takes us back to the general prudish, puritanical view of sex that we’ve been saddled with for ages. Which drives me fucking batty.

While doing research for this analysis, I kept coming across consensual and non-consensual voyeurism. Some folks want to do their thing in private, and others don’t mind having an audience. It’s a simple distinction sure, and no one needs to be a part of something that they don’t want to be, but if we’d loosen up about our sexuality, then the boundaries between consensual and non-consensual would shift. If more people were accepting of other people’s sexual thoughts (and their own, for that matter), then they wouldn’t mind being thought of in a sexual way. This gives the voyeur less guilt in undressing you with his eyes, and imagining what he’d do to you when you’re alone with him. Everyone’s comfort zones expand, and we all live happily ever after.

I guess my point is that everyone’s a voyeur to some extent, so why should it be considered perverted? Don’t believe me? If we weren’t all voyeurs then America’s Funniest Home Videos wouldn’t be so popular, or Flickr for that matter. Reality television has confirmed that we’re a nation of voyeurs, and also proved that the word doesn’t mean what it used to anymore. The act of watching someone, and gaining pleasure from it, is voyeurism. Doesn’t matter if it’s at a peep show (guilty, here!) or in your lay-z-boy watching a forty year-old man get kicked in the crotch while Bob Saget makes jokes.

Overall Assessment
Sexually speaking, I don’t think I’m much of a voyeur. Like I said, I enjoy a strip club every now and then, and I like watching porn, but never alone. I’d rather be with a guy, watching people get it on, fooling around at the same time and getting hot because he’s getting hot. I have no problem with someone eyeing me up and down and mentally having his way with me. I mean, I’m a phone sex operator! I’d BETTER be the object of guys’ fantasies, and the only thing better than knowing that they’re pulling on their cocks while thinking of me is watching them do it in person. That’s the one thing I never get tired of watching, and let me tell you, if you want to bring out the voyeur in your girl, when things are getting hot and heavy, offer to masturbate in front of her. If you make it all the way to climax without her jumping your bones, she’s going to pretty much attack you for round two.

Something happened recently that made me think of voyeurism specifically. I was over at a friend’s house, and it was only a few of us. Everyone had plenty to drink, but no one was sloppy drunk. Anyway, I wasn’t feeling as horny as she was, so after she fooled around with a mutual female friend (the usual, pussy licking, fingering) I watched her move to her boyfriend and kneel in front of him. I won’t give you the play-by-play, because he was shy and embarrassed, despite the alcohol (so cute!) but eventually, with out encouragement, they ended up naked in bed with us sitting around, watching. Every time one of them would go to put the sheet over them, we’d laugh and one of us would pull it back so we could see. Soon, they forgot about us, and did what they normally do when they were alone. The beer made them start and stop, both physically and mentally, but once they got a rhythm going and truly forgot we were there, it was really beautiful to watch. No, I didn’t jump in and help, but I stayed in the arms of a good friend and gave them encouragement. Well ok, I was topless. But the point is it was dirty, nasty, filthy beautiful sex between two people, who stopped communicating with their voices and languages, and used their bodies and instincts.

I know you guys think of me as the Dirtiest Girl in the World, but watching them I kind of had a kumbaya moment of wishing everyone could be like this. And the shitty thing is that conventional wisdom says what I was doing was wrong, that I shouldn’t have been watching them. And if I’d gone along with that, I’d have missed out seeing something wonderful.

So when you’re looking at someone, and we both know you will, make sure you’re not making them uncomfortable, as that’s not cool. You’ll know if your attention is welcome or not. Once you figure that out, do what feels natural. If that’s grabbing your lover by the hair and doing them hard, while you tell them the story of what you saw, then awesome. If you’re alone and need a long wank session, that’s cool too. Just call me first so I can listen…